Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...alhamdulillah dgn izin Allah esok bakal bermula kembara saye bersama k.naufa and k.izzah menuju ke bumi anbia'.Seronok sgt2....x sabar nk menjejak kaki ke sana.Ape yg penting niat perlu diperbetulkan dari dalam.....semoga permusafiran ini x sia2...lagi dlm madrash ramadhan.So...rugilah saye kalo x amik peluang yg Allah bg nih utk perbaiki diri...cube kurangkan cacat cela dlm hati nih...singkirkan karat2 jahiliiyah yg dh lame ade dlm hati ni.
Lagi x sabar,nk jmp my dear sis kt sane,,,mansoura.Nk jalan same2 meneroka tamadun Mesir.Walaupun dlm bulan puasa,mg Allah kuatkan dan beri kesihatan utk mengembara....hihi^^"...kalo ckp ngan balqis,my friend,kembara menjejak ayat2 cinta gitu... X sabar jugak nk jumpa akhawat2 kt sane....ade yg x pernah jumpe lagi br kenal name..tp insyaAllah ukhuwah tu akan terjalin lbh erat disane nnt.
Doakan saye....dan doakan pengembaraan saye.Moga redha Allah mengiringi...mg pintu hidayah terbuka luas....ameen ya rabbal alamin.
Esok....1 September 2009 Manipal--->Mangalore--->Mumbai--->Sanaa'--->Cairo......insyaAllah.(^_^)
Assalamualaikum w.b.t...Alhamdulillah...semangat nih nk tulis entrt kali nih.Mane taknye,sume dh selesai...exam dah abes...result pon dh dpt.The best part is dah pass sume subjek alhamdulillah.Dgn rasminya my first year in MBBS dah abes...insyaAllah akan melangkah ke second year yg lg mencabar bulan depan insyaAllah...hihi(^_^)
Tak sangka,dulu rase punye lah lame nk abes setahun...tau2 skang dh abes exam final pon..huhu...kejap je plak.Anatomy,biochemistry and physiology....3 ilmu ni dh saye belajar...sama ada tinggal di buku lagi atau sudah tersemat di dada. "ilmu itu berada di dalam dada,bukan di dalam kitab"...moga ape yg saye dh belajar saya ingt and blh diamalkan nnt.Thanks to all my lecturers yg dh byk tolong ajar saye n kengkawan.Juge kt mak abah,chik,my siblings,all my teachers,friends yg always doakan saye and support saye selama nih....huhu.sedih plak. Hmmm lps nih rutin mesti berbeza....kalau dulu first year kene masuk dissection hall...belek2 cadavers a.k.a mayat utk belajar gross anatomy...berdepan dgn bau formalin yg menusuk zuqq ke mata n hidung.Sekarang dh tinggal memory je...huhu....mesti rindu lepas nih..just like my seniors cakap.
Ingat lg dulu2,mule2 msk dissection hall....fuhhh punye laa semangat nk tgk cadavers...mule2 tuh ok lagi sbb kitorang dapat 1 table sorang cadavers....yg sempurna sifat jasmaninya....sume duk keliling cadavers tuh...dgn sir Venu Madhav..hihi..^^'...pening giler kepala nk ingt sume nerve2,blood vessels,muscles....cara nerve tu lalu dlm badan pon kene ingt...ponin2...tp tulah cara belajar kt india...tgk,belek2 cadavers...orientation dlm badan selalunya sama je dlm sume cadavers...tp in medicine,lecturers always cakap, "Common things is common , but rare things do happens".Itulah kebesaran dan keunikan ciptaan Allah.
First time spotters anatomy... time tu kerkejutla jugak...tgk badan2 manusia nih dipotong2...cam dlm movie psl serial killer gitu...fuhh....ade tangan,kaki,kepala...ikot la part mane yg masuk test spotters..time tulah betoi2 nmpk yg tubuh badan kita nih xde nilainya tanpa roh yg Allah tiupkan didalamnya....bkn la nk ckp kite xperlu hargai badan kite...itu mesti...amanah dr Allah...tp prioritynya yg perlu ditenung-tenung..dibelek-belek..contohnye, kalau kita pentingkan makanan utk diisi dlm perut...jgn lupe makanan yg perlu diisi dlm roh kite...Pengisian rohani tu satu keperluan bukan kehendak yg blh kite pilih nak atau tak...kalau betulla kita dambakan syurganya.insyaAllah.
hmmm hope ape yg saye belajar x sia2...kekal dlm hati nih...utk saya gune nnt...as a doctor....utk merawat patients saye...huhu...x sbr...nk ikot jejak kwn2 yg dh pon msk clinical....husna...ahya..n ramai lagi...diorang dh stat posting....at least diorang mesti dh nmpk lbh jelas misi and visi seorang doktor...lagi doktor muslim.Yang pasti jalan nih masih panjang...masih berliku...masih byk yg perlu ditempuh...biar la ramai sedara kate course nih panjang..5thn....ade yg risau takot tak kawenla...hihi.....macam2...tp saye yakin nk dpt benda yg best mesti susah...tapi dalam kesusahan tu mesti ade memory manis yg akan saye tempuh...saat2 belajar ngan kwn2...saat2 tension dan stress dgn exam..kejayaan dan kegagalan...bangun,jatuh dan bangun semula....dgn kwn2 , akhawat semua....hidup ni mst c0l0urful....lg2 bile perjalanan hidup ini x sunyi...diiring tarbiyah utk hati dan jiwa..... Medic semata2 tak mampu menenangkan hati ini....hanya tarbiyyah islamiyyah....perjalanan mengenal Allah dan rasulnya jua yg bisa menyuburkan taman hati yg kering kontang.Moga Allah aturkan yg terbaik buat diri ini.....saye akan buat yg terbaik utk dunia dan akhirat saye...sbb saye nk kedua2nya....GAMBATE!!!!!!!!!
hehe...bkn senang nak mendidik hati ni tunduk pada kesabaran.Memadam api kemarahan susah sgt....lagi2 orang yg menulis nih.Die sedar yg die cepat marah...tu yg die tulis pasal SABAR.yelah kalau kite tak kenal diri kite sendiri mcm mane nk kenalkan kt org laen.hihi^^'.
Moga bulan Ramadhan nih bg kekuatan utk berubah...untuk jadi lebih sabar.Bukan sabar menunggu berbuka je...tapi sabar dgn semua kerenah dunia ni...sabar dgn exam...sabar ngan kawan2...sabar ngan aka2...sabar kt pakcik2 auto...sume lah.... Biar sedikit tapi berguna.Kurangkan bercakap banyakkan amal.ISLAH NAFSI!
Alhamdulillah...selesai sudah solat teraweh malam pertama.Bahagia rasenyer....huhu..Ramadhan dgn rasminya bermula!!!!Syaitan2 pasti dah diikat....pintu2 syurga terbuka luas....pintu2 neraka tertutup rapat.Pahala yg Allah janjikan berganda2.Takde kt bulan lain.Itu pasti.
Ini bulan utk kita berperang dgn nafsu semata...kalau kita buat jahat,jgn kate "ini bukan salah saya,ni sume syaitan punye pasal!"....N0(3x)....
s0mething interesting to share...G0t it from my dear friend,Nazliah.=)
Penyimpan Mohor2 Besaq...Yang Besaq2 Kepala dgn ini mengisyhtiharkan bahawa PUBLIC HOLIDAYS untuk semua ... untuk Sebulan (No Overtime!! and No Replacement!!! ). Maka Dgn ini ingin diberikan sedikit Pesanan kepada MANUSIA :
- Kalau dok beratur panjang di Kedai Mamak di waktu puncak -Bukan syaitan yang suruh!! -Kalau ada Runner dok tolong beli Bekalan - Dia takdak kena mengena dgn !!! - Kalau tak reti2 nak buat amal ibadat - Bukan yang dok bagi hampa MALAS tau!! - Kalau dok pakai terdedah sana-sini - Bukan syaitan yang suruh dan bukan yang suruh tengok..!! - Kalau dok pi berkepit sana-sini dgn marka siang malam - Bukan yang bagi line!! - Kalau dok Boros sangat shopping Raya - Bukan yang suruh!! - Kalau dok tak habis2 mengata orang - Bukan yang bagi idea!! - Kalau tak habis2 dok berdengki kat orang - Memang bukan yang dok cucuk!!
Maka MANUSIA, ambillah peluang ini untuk UPGRADE kan Diri anda, KENALI lah Diri Anda, BERBUAT BAIK lah dan SUCI kanlah Diri Anda. Kumpulkanlah Pahala sebanyak mungkin..........Renungkanlah..Adakah masa ini yang paling sesuai untuk BERUBAH atau Anda masih Menunggu!!!!...Tunggu Sapa lagi.... Jangan lupa Bayar Zakat Fitrah tau!!!.....Ada juga yg dok merungut Zakat mahal .....Ini pun takdak kena mengena dgntau!!.. Tolonglah Manusia ooiii.......Kalau Semua dah Beriman dan ikut Jalan yang Benar...kami punya kerja pun kurangla sikit.....Kamipun dah letih Overtime....
Akhir kata - SELAMAT BERPUASA Dan BERIBADAT .......................... We Will be Back to Office after Ramadhan ....he..he
zamzam: bile hanis syazana: baru tadi hanis syazana: huhu hanis syazana: die sakit zamzam: xbg ubt ke zamzam: jmp dr hanis syazana: baru smlm die cirit hanis syazana: pastu bawak la pi klinik zamzam: mst mknn dye bercn zamzam: dye mkn kt laen zamzam: kot zamzam: eh hanis di mana skrg nih?? zamzam: umah ke plak.. zamzam: hmm... hanis syazana: Waaaaah!
zamzam: sabo mak cik sabo zamzam: dh ajal hanis syazana: uwaaaaaaaaaa zamzam: saya fahan kamu sedih... hanis syazana: Waaaaah!
zamzam: tgh nangis sggh ka nih?? hanis syazana: kucing tu tak sampai 2 mgu saye bele hanis syazana: huhuhuhu zamzam: yeke??? zamzam: ya Allah zamzam: kejapnyer zamzam: sabar la hanis zamzam: huhuhu hanis syazana: huhuhuhu hanis syazana: sabar2.. hanis syazana: iye2... hanis syazana: sian die hanis syazana: ok la hanis syazana: nak kuar jap hanis syazana: nak pi amik jenazah die kat klinik hanis syazana: Sad
zamzam: org pon dh nangis dh>> zamzam: hanis nih!!!!! hanis syazana: woit hanis syazana: jgn la hanis syazana: sebuk jeee hanis syazana: hehehehe hanis syazana: doakan roh nyeh di cucuri rahmat hanis syazana: tak sempat die nak bertemu ramdhan kareemm hanis syazana: hukhuk hanis syazana: ok hanis syazana: kamu kat mane? hanis syazana: umah ke? zamzam: kt umah di india le zamzam: mane lg haaa hanis syazana: heeee hanis syazana: ok hanis syazana: umah ade tenet kan hanis syazana: nanti kite sambung ym lagi yer hanis syazana: nak pi majlis pengebumian kucing zamzam: ok..g amik kucing hanis t zamzam: hehehe zamzam: lawak la plak zamzam: 0oopps s0ryy hanis syazana: 嘔...嘔.. 嘔耶！..讚啦！
hmmm...nilah perbualan pertama saya dgn hanis syazana, my friend...setelah lbh kurg 11/2 x jumpe.....huhu kite punyer le semangat nk borak ngan dye...tetibe dye ckp psl kucing....hanis...hanis.... sayang betol dye kt kucing tu...saye takut kucing!!!!...0psss bukan takut tapi geli!!!! tapi saye x aniaya kucing....ade kawan pernah ckp saye kene belajar menyayangi binatang....hmmm... mungkin hati nih keras lagi kot.... hanis tolong ajar saya supaya hati ini lebih lembut...sayangkn binatang macam kamu...... InsyaAllah mg nnt Allah lembutkan hati ni...saya akan cube.... hanis...saye rindukan awak...tapi sebab kucing tu....huhu..saya jd sdih plak... perlukah saya bersedih gara2 kucing tuh...huhu xpe2...saye meraikan sahabat saya...dye sayangkan kucing....jadi saye kene saya kt kucing jugak.. dye sedih dgn kematian kucingnya...saya turut bersedih....huhuhu^^'
Islam suruh kita jaga 3 hubungan utk id0p bahagia... 1)Hablum minnalah....hubungan dgn Allah 2)Hablum minannas.....hubungan dgn manusia 3)Hubungan dgn alam atau makhluk
andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir tentu siangnya engkau sibuk berzikir tentu engkau tak akan jemu melagukan syair rindu mendayu..merayu. ...kepada- NYA Tuhan yang satu andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir tentu sholatmu kau kerjakan di awal waktu sholat yang dikerjakan.. .sungguh khusyuk lagi tawadhu' tubuh dan qalbu...bersatu memperhamba diri menghadap Rabbul Jalil... menangisi kecurangan janji "innasolati wanusuki wamahyaya wamamati lillahirabbil 'alamin" [sesungguhnya solatku, ibadahku, hidupku, dan matiku... kuserahkan hanya kepada Allah Tuhan seru sekalian alam]
andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir tidak akan kau sia siakan walau sesaat yang berlalu setiap masa tak akan dibiarkan begitu saja di setiap kesempatan juga masa yang terluang alunan Al-Quran bakal kau dendang...bakal kau syairkan
andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir tentu malammu engkau sibukkan dengan bertarawih.. .berqiamullail. ..bertahajjud. .. mengadu...merintih. ..meminta belas kasih "sesungguhnya aku tidak layak untuk ke syurga-MU tapi...aku juga tidak sanggup untuk ke neraka-MU"
andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir tentu dirimu tak akan melupakan mereka yang tersayang mari kita meriahkan Ramadhan kita buru...kita cari...suatu malam idaman yang lebih baik dari seribu bulan
andai kau tahu ini Ramadhan terakhir tentu engkau bakal menyediakan batin dan zahir mempersiap diri...rohani dan jasmani menanti-nanti jemputan Izrail di kiri dan kanan ...lorong-lorong redha Ar-Rahman
Duhai Ilahi.... andai ini Ramadhan terakhir buat kami jadikanlah ia Ramadhan paling berarti...paling berseri... menerangi kegelapan hati kami menyeru ke jalan menuju ridho serta kasih sayangMu Ya Ilahi semoga bakal mewarnai kehidupan kami di sana nanti
Namun teman... tak akan ada manusia yang bakal mengetahui apakah Ramadhan ini merupakan yang terakhir kali bagi dirinya yang mampu bagi seorang hamba itu hanyalah berusaha...bersedia ...meminta belas-NYA
wahai tuhan ku tak layak kesyurgamu ... namun tak pula aku sanggup ke Nerakamu ... kami lah hamba yang mengharap belas darimu "ya allah jadikan lah kami hamba2 mu yang bertaqwa..ampunkan dosa2 kami kedua ibubapa kami .dosa semua umat2 islam yang masih hidup mahupun yang telah meninggal dunia" Amin.....
andai benar ini Ramadhan terakhir buat saya
MAAFKAN SEMUA KESALAHAN YANG PERNAH SAYA LAKUKAN
saya copy dari emel from ny friend..Nazliah Suriati...
alhamdulillah paper anatomy dah abes tadi...fuhh,cuak betoi b4 dpt paper.nak buat macam mane.Itulah yg akan terjadi bila kita sendiri sedar yg usaha kita nih x cukup....tapi my dear sis pernah cakap...bila difikir2kan usaha kita pasti sentiasa x cukup...ade saje yg x kene...tapi bila difikirkan rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah hati terus jadi tenang. Betullah tu....time keluar rumah..hati nih betol2 tawakkal...xtau nk fikir ape lagi...dah sekarang musim H1N1,berkorban jugak tu keluar rumah time nih...xpe,dun worry.Allah kan ade...huhu.Dalam hati nih sarat dgn doa...moga ape jua kemungkinan yg bakal diterima nnt,susah ke senang jawab exam...Allah x ubah hati nih..malah Allah dekatkan lagi dgn cintaNYA yg agung.
Dalam Al-Quran,kalam Allah yg kuharap dpt memberi syafaat di akhirat kelak..yg kuharap membimbing setiap langkahku,membentuk keperibadian..ade menyebut.... Maka apabila manusia ditimpa bencana dia menyeru Kami,maka apabila Kami mengurniakan nikmat kepadanya,dia berkata"Sesungguhnya aku diberi nikmat ini hanyalah kerana kepintaranku"Sebenarnya itu adalah ujian tetapi kebanyakan mereka tidak mengetahui{Surah Az-Zumar-49}
Time dpt paper,alhamdulillah.syukur sangat.Tak saya sangka kebanyakan saya dh pernah jawab...hmm xkisahlah kalo tu benda biasa bg kawan2...tapi bg saya yg lemah...itu satu rahmat...satu pertolongan dari Allah buat hamba yg hina ni....ternyata Allah x sia-siakan saya...Allah dengar doa saya....Saya sayang Allah.Dekatkan cinta ku padaMU...
Perjuangan saya masih panjang..still ade 2 paper theory..physio and biochem...and 3 paper practical....moga Allah permudahkan jalan ini.... Tak sabar menunggu ramadhan.....saya dah dewasa....huhu...kalau dulu..bulan Ramadhan saya nntkan kehadirannya sbb nnt ade bazar Ramadhan..boleh makan byk2...tapi kini,saya rindukan Ramadhan...bukan sebab bazarnya...bukan sbb tanda dah nk raye..bukan sbb nk mkn banyak....tapi sbb ia bulan bersama KEKASIH.x sabar...moga Allah sihatkan iman...(teringat ngan k.zaireen,kalau ditanya kaifa haluk?dia akan ckp iman sihat,jasad no 2)...biasalah iman manusia nih yanqus wa yanzid...akan bertambah dan berkurang...berusahalah utk menambahnya...insyaAllah.Lagi2 Ramadhan kali ni istimewa.Saya akan menyambutnya di bumi anbia'...Mesir...rezeki dari Allah walaupun tak ditakdirkan menuntut ilmu di sana....cinta saya pada mesir xkan berubah!(tiru ayat Natrah) Ya Allah,moga Ramadhan kali ni hati ini lebih bersih...cinta ini lebih mekar...I luv ISLAM!
wallahua'lam...tak berani bicara lanjut.Entry nih pon sekadar meluahkan ape yg terbuku...entahlah....mcm mane nak dihuraikan...mungkinkah hati ni yg kian buta sehingga gagal menafsir erti ukhwah?hmm atau mungkin hati ni terlalu jauh dari mengingati Allah sampai jadi keras...tak nak!!!!!cukuplah..hati nih menderita di zaman jahiliyyah dulu...tak nak lagi dirundung gelisah...nak hati ni alwez tenang..tenang sbb yakin ada Allah disisi...tenang sbb yakin berada di jalan yg benar...tenang sbb setiap apa yg dilakukan xyah pikir psl manusia dan dunia....asal Allah redha...asal Allah suka...itu yg saya buat. Tapi ketenangan tu mula tergugat...seronok dgn perkembangan sahabat2 fillah di Ausie,mesir,uk.....semuanya dah ade lembaran baru dlm hidup...kenangan tarbiyyah yg best sgt2.....ukhuwah yg mantap....kesatuan yg jitu...jiwa2 yg cintakan Islam....jiwa2 yg nak membersihkan diri....jiwa2 yg menyerahkan hati sepenuhnya utk mentarbiyyah dan ditarbiyyah...sungguh...x tipu....rindu sgt2 kata nih...kata yg selalu dengar time kt intec....rindu sgt2 kt leteran,bebelan akak2 naqibah....rindu sgt program tarbiyyah...tautan ukhwah..rindu sgt2 kt daurah tiap weekend...rindu sgt2 kuar makan ngan k. zaireen...rindu pd akhawat....entahlah...rindu pd keluarga ade..bukan xde..tapi lain.....ini rindu yg ..hmm susah nk ckp.... rindu amat2.....bila lagi nak rase sibuk mencari masa nak ikot program.....kt cni...yg ade cume study...study...study....hidup dh jd mcm robot!bace buku...dok diam dlm bilik..ape yg dirisaukan hari2 sama adepast atau x exam nnt.....Bosan!!!!hati asyik ingt dunia...hati asyk kejar benda fana'.....nak lari dr situasi mcm nih...takot makin lame jd mkn biase.....kemaksiatan akan jadi biasa di depan mata kalo kita tak cube atasinya....
Ya Allah...bukan slh suasana..bukan slh tempat aku dilontarkan...bukan slh org2 di sekeliling....tapi salah diri..diri ni yg x ckp ilmu...x ckp amal..hati nih yg selalu lalai...selalu lupa....Ya Allah kuakui nikmatMu...kuakui dosaku yg bertimbun....kuakui kelemahanku...kuakui kekhilafan diri ini....tarbiyyah aku ya Allah....ujilah aku dgn sesuatu yg aku mampu...aku mohon ya Allah,jgn uji aku dgn sesuatu yg tak mmp aku tanggung....jgn biar aku tertipu dgn dunia...jgn biar aku tertipu dgn kata2 manusia...jgn biar aku tertipu dgn DIRI SENDIRI!......
Ghurur ilmu,ghurur syakhsiah,dhurur tadayyun!!!
3 ANCAMAN yg menggerunkan hati ini...diri yg tertipu dgn ilmu,tertipu dgn pandangan diri dan diri yg tertipu dgn RASA BERAGAMA!!! mencari kekuatan dlm ukhwah...msh mencari....cuba membina....pasti ada...kalau dulu...ukhti2 yg selalu menghulurkan slm ukhuwah....tapi di sini...aku masih gagal menghulurkan...menyuburkan ukhuwah itu sendiri...ya Allah....kelemahan terlalu byk....tunjukkan aku jalan. manisnya ukhuwah...terjalin tanpa syarat...asalkan tujuannya sama...fikrahnya sama...berkehendakkan islam....pasti bersatu dua hati dlm tautan ukhuwah...biar jauh tapi ukhuwah itu kekal dlm doa rabitah.....ya Allah kurniakan aku nikmat ukhuwah itu disini...di tempat aku berjuang di dunia utk akhiratku....
OK...perjuangan msh panjang...sekadar melepas sesak di dada...saya akan terus berjuang....selamatkan iman!!!!! perjuangan perlu diteruskan!!!!!!doakan iman saya sihat....
jgn salah anggap.ni bukan cite my the heroes,hero or s0mething like that yg berkaitan dgn movie...langsung xde kaitan...ini pasal hero saya.Heroes yg tercatat namanya dlm sejarah agung....hero2 yg amat saya kagumi,saya sanjungi....hmm,alangkah bahagianya dpt berjumpa mereka....tapi saya perlu berjuang di dunia dulu utk bersama mereka....moga ketemu di syurga.
1)Rasulullah...of course la kan..Baginda kekasih Allah.mencintai baginda beerti mencintai Allah
2)Umar Al-Khattab...dlm 4 khalifah Islam terulung,saya pilih Umar...seorang yg garang tapi berjiwa lembut hasil didikan tarbiyyah Islam.
3)Salahuddin Al-Ayyubi
4)Sultan Muhammad Al-Fateh
5)Hassan Al-Banna
6)Syeikh Ahmad Yassin
7)Dr.Ar-Rantisi
8)Kaab bin Malik
ramai lagi hero2 saya,insyaAllah...ramai lagi yg saye belum kenal atau buat2 x kenal sehingga x jatuh cinta dgn mereka....InsyaAllah...bilangan hero saya akan bertambah.Mesti dan perlu bertambah.Mereka sumber qudwah saya dlm menjalani hidup sbg muslim.Heroin bukan xde,ade.PASTI!!!tapi dlm entry lain.^^'
InsyaAllah...moga Allah kekalkan nikmat iman dan islam dlm jiwa ini.Selagi jalan tarbiyyah ini masih ku selusuri.....segalanya mungkin.
ini kisah heroku no.8....bukan terlalu besar sejarahnya tapi ini meyakinkan saya...Allah itu Maha Pengampun....dan kita perlu yakin dan terus memohon keampunanNYA...biar sebesar mana pon dosa kita...biar siapa pon kita...Allah melihat pada hati kita...kesungguhan kita....saya perlu dan mesti yakin diri ini diterima sbg hambaNYA dan berusaha mencari tempat di sisiNYA...biar tak mendapat tempat di hati manusia,ku damba tempat disisiNYA...bukan mudah tapi berbaloi...bantu dan pimpinlah aku,Ya Allah.
Hadeeth About Kaab bin Malik
Saheeh al Bukhaaree Volume 5, Book 59, Number 702
Narrated ‘Abdullah ibn Kab bin Malik:
Who, from among Kab’s sons, was the guide of Kab when he became blind: I heard Kab bin Malik narrating the story of (the Ghazwa of) Tabuk in which he failed to take part.
Kab said, "I did not remain behind Allah’s Apostle in any Ghazwa that he fought except the Ghazwa of Tabuk, and I failed to take part in the Ghazwa of Badr, but Allah did not admonish anyone who had not participated in it, for in fact, Allah’s Apostle had gone out in search of the caravan of Quraish till Allah made them (i.e. the Muslims) and their enemy meet without any appointment. I witnessed the night of Al-’Aqaba (pledge) with Allah’s Apostle when we pledged for Islam, and I would not exchange it for the Badr battle although the Badr battle is more popular amongst the people than it (i.e. Al-’Aqaba pledge). As for my news (in this battle of Tabuk), I had never been stronger or wealthier than I was when I remained behind the Prophet in that Ghazwa.
By Allah, never had I two she-camels before, but I had then at the time of this Ghazwa. Whenever Allah’s Apostle wanted to make a Ghazwa, he used to hide his intention by apparently referring to different Ghazwa till it was the time of that Ghazwa (of Tabuk) which Allah’s Apostle fought in severe heat, facing, a long journey, desert, and the great number of enemy. So the Prophet announced to the Muslims clearly (their destination) so that they might get prepared for their Ghazwa. So he informed them clearly of the destination he was going to. Allah’s Apostle was accompanied by a large number of Muslims who could not be listed in a book namely, a register." Ka’b added, "Any man who intended to be absent would think that the matter would remain hidden unless Allah revealed it through Divine Revelation.
So Allah’s Apostle fought that Ghazwa at the time when the fruits had ripened and the shade looked pleasant. Allah’s Apostle and his companions prepared for the battle and I started to go out in order to get myself ready along with them, but I returned without doing anything. I would say to myself, ‘I can do that.’ So I kept on delaying it every now and then till the people got ready and Allah’s Apostle and the Muslims along with him departed, and I had not prepared anything for my departure, and I said, I will prepare myself (for departure) one or two days after him, and then join them.’ In the morning following their departure, I went out to get myself ready but returned having done nothing. Then again in the next morning, I went out to get ready but returned without doing anything.
Such was the case with me till they hurried away and the battle was missed (by me). Even then I intended to depart to take them over. I wish I had done so! But it was not in my luck. So, after the departure of Allah’s Apostle, whenever I went out and walked amongst the people (i.e, the remaining persons), it grieved me that I could see none around me, but one accused of hypocrisy or one of those weak men whom Allah had excused.
Allah’s Apostle did not remember me till he reached Tabuk. So while he was sitting amongst the people in Tabuk, he said, ‘What did Ka’b do?’ A man from Banu Salama said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! He has been stopped by his two Burdas (i.e. garments) and his looking at his own flanks with pride.’ Then Mu’adh bin Jabal said, ‘What a bad thing you have said! By Allah! O Allahs Apostle! We know nothing about him but good.’ Allah’s Apostle kept silent."
Kab bin Malik added, "When I heard that he (i.e. the Prophet ) was on his way back to Medina. I got dipped in my concern, and began to think of false excuses, saying to myself, ‘How can I avoid his anger tomorrow?’ And I took the advice of wise member of my family in this matter. When it was said that Allah’s Apostle, had come near all the evil false excuses abandoned from my mind and I knew well that I could never come out of this problem by forging a false statement. Then I decided firmly to speak the truth.
So Allah’s Apostle arrived in the morning, and whenever he returned from a journey., he used to visit the Mosque first of all and offer a two-Rak’at prayer therein and then sit for the people. So when he had done all that (this time), those who had failed to join the battle (of Tabuk) came and started offering (false) excuses and taking oaths before him. They were something over eighty men; Allah’s Apostle accepted the excuses they had expressed, took their pledge of allegiance asked for Allah’s Forgiveness for them, and left the secrets of their hearts for Allah to judge.
Then I came to him, and when I greeted him, he smiled a smile of an angry person and then said, ‘Come on.’ So I came walking till I sat before him. He said to me, ‘What stopped you from joining us. Had you not purchased an animal for carrying you?’ I answered, "Yes, O Allah’s Apostle! But by Allah, if I were sitting before any person from among the people of the world other than you, I would have avoided his anger with an excuse.
By Allah, I have been bestowed with the power of speaking fluently and eloquently, but by Allah, I knew well that if today I tell you a lie to seek your favour, Allah would surely make you angry with me in the near future, but if I tell you the truth, though you will get angry because of it, I hope for Allah’s Forgiveness. Really, by Allah, there was no excuse for me. By Allah, I had never been stronger or wealthier than I was when I remained behind you.’
Then Allah’s Apostle said, ‘As regards this man, he has surely told the truth. So get up till Allah decides your case.’ I got up, and many men of Banu Salama followed me and said to me. ‘By Allah, we never witnessed you doing any sin before this. Surely, you failed to offer excuse to Allah’s Apostle as the others who did not join him, have offered. The prayer of Allah’s Apostle to Allah to forgive you would have been sufficient for you.’ By Allah, they continued blaming me so much that I intended to return (to the Prophet) and accuse myself of having told a lie, but I said to them, ‘Is there anybody else who has met the same fate as I have?’ They replied, ‘Yes, there are two men who have said the same thing as you have, and to both of them was given the same order as given to you.’ I said, ‘Who are they?’ They replied, Murara bin Ar-Rabi Al-Amri and Hilal bin Umaiya Al-Waqifi.’ By that they mentioned to me two pious men who had attended the Ghazwa (Battle) of Badr, and in whom there was an example for me. So I did not change my mind when they mentioned them to me.
Allah’s Apostle forbade all the Muslims to talk to us, the three aforesaid persons out of all those who had remained behind in that Ghazwa. So we kept away from the people and they changed their attitude towards us till the very land (where I lived) appeared strange to me as if I did not know it.
We remained in that condition for fifty nights. As regards my two fellows, they remained in their houses and kept on weeping, but I was the youngest of them and the firmest of them, so I used to go out and witness the prayers along with the Muslims and roam about in the markets, but none would talk to me, and I would come to Allah’s Apostle and greet him while he was sitting In his gathering after the prayer, and I would wonder whether the Prophet did move his lips in return to my greetings or not. Then I would offer my prayer near to him and look at him stealthily. When I was busy with my prayer, he would turn his face towards me, but when I turned my face to him, he would turn his face away from me.
When this harsh attitude of the people lasted long, I walked till I scaled the wall of the garden of Abu Qatada who was my cousin and dearest person to me, and I offered my greetings to him. By Allah, he did not return my greetings. I said, ‘O Abu Qatada! I beseech you by Allah! Do you know that I love Allah and His Apostle?’ He kept quiet. I asked him again, beseeching him by Allah, but he remained silent. Then I asked him again in the Name of Allah. He said, "Allah and His Apostle know it better.’ Thereupon my eyes flowed with tears and I returned and jumped over the wall."
Ka’b added, "While I was walking in the market of Medina, suddenly I saw a Nabati (i.e. a Christian farmer) from the Nabatis of Sham who came to sell his grains in Medina, saying, ‘Who will lead me to Kab bin Malik?’ The people began to point (me) out for him till he came to me and handed me a letter from the king of Ghassan in which the following was written:
"To proceed, I have been informed that your friend (i.e. the Prophet ) has treated you harshly. Anyhow, Allah does not let you live at a place where you feel inferior and your right is lost. So join us, and we will console you."
When I read it, I said to myself, ‘This is also a sort of a test.’ Then I took the letter to the oven and made a fire therein by burning it.
When fourty out of the fifty nights elapsed, behold ! There came to me the messenger of Allah’s Apostle and said, ‘Allah’s Apostle orders you to keep away from your wife,’ I said, ‘Should I divorce her; or else! what should I do?’ He said, ‘No, only keep aloof from her and do not cohabit her.’ The Prophet sent the same message to my two fellows. Then I said to my wife. ‘Go to your parents and remain with them till Allah gives His Verdict in this matter.’
Kab added, "The wife of Hilal bin Umaiya came to Apostle and said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! Hilal bin Umaiya is a helpless old man who has no servant to attend on him. Do you dislike that I should serve him? ‘ He said, ‘No (you can serve him) but he should not come near you.’ She said, ‘By Allah, he has no desire for anything. By, Allah, he has never ceased weeping till his case began till this day of his.’
On that, some of my family members said to me, ‘Will you also ask Allah’s Apostle to permit your wife (to serve you) as he has permitted the wife of Hilal bin Umaiya to serve him?’ I said, ‘By Allah, I will not ask the permission of Allah’s Apostle regarding her, for I do not know What Allah’s Apostle would say if I asked him to permit her (to serve me) while I am a young man.’
Then I remained in that state for ten more nights after that till the period of fifty nights was completed starting from the time when Allah’s Apostle prohibited the people from talking to us.
When I had offered the Fajr prayer on the 50th morning on the roof of one of our houses and while I was sitting in the condition which Allah described (in the Qur’an) i.e. my very soul seemed straitened to me and even the earth seemed narrow to me for all its spaciousness, there I heard the voice of one who had ascended the mountain of Sala’ calling with his loudest voice, ‘O Kab bin Malik! Be happy (by receiving good tidings).’ I fell down in prostration before Allah, realizing that relief has come. Allah’s Apostle had announced the acceptance of our repentance by Allah when he had offered the Fajr prayer. The people then went out to congratulate us. Some bringers of good tidings went out to my two fellows, and a horseman came to me in haste, and a man of Banu Aslam came running and ascended the mountain and his voice was swifter than the horse. When he (i.e. the man) whose voice I had heard, came to me conveying the good tidings, I took off my garments and dressed him with them; and by Allah, I owned no other garments than them on that day. Then I borrowed two garments and wore them and went to Allah’s Apostle. The people started receiving me in batches, congratulating me on Allah’s Acceptance of my repentance, saying, ‘We congratulate you on Allah’s Acceptance of your repentance." Kab further said, "When I entered the Mosque. I saw Allah’s Apostle sitting with the people around him. Talha bin Ubaidullah swiftly came to me, shook hands with me and congratulated me. By Allah, none of the Muhajirin (i.e. Emigrants) got up for me except him (i.e. Talha), and I will never forget this for Talha."
Kab added, "When I greeted Allah’s Apostle he, his face being bright with joy, said "Be happy with the best day that you have got ever since your mother delivered you." Kab added, "I said to the Prophet ‘Is this forgiveness from you or from Allah?’ He said, ‘No, it is from Allah.’ Whenever Allah’s Apostle became happy, his face would shine as if it were a piece of moon, and we all knew that characteristic of him.
When I sat before him, I said, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! Because of the acceptance of my repentance I will give up all my wealth as alms for the Sake of Allah and His Apostle. Allah’s Apostle said, ‘Keep some of your wealth, as it will be better for you.’ I said, ‘So I will keep my share from Khaibar with me,’ and added, ‘O Allah’s Apostle! Allah has saved me for telling the truth; so it is a part of my repentance not to tell but the truth as long as I am alive.
By Allah, I do not know anyone of the Muslims whom Allah has helped fortelling the truth more than me. Since I have mentioned that truth to Allah’s Apostle till today, I have never intended to tell a lie. I hope that Allah will also save me (from telling lies) the rest of my life. So Allah revealed to His Apostle the Verse: "Verily, Allah has forgiven the Prophet, the Muhajirin (i.e. Emigrants (up to His Saying) And be with those who are true (in word and deed)." (9.117-119)
By Allah, Allah has never bestowed upon me, apart from His guiding me to Islam, a Greater blessing than the fact that I did not tell a lie to Allah’s Apostle which would have caused me to perish as those who have told a lie perished, for Allah described those who told lies with the worst description He ever attributed to anybody else.
Allah said:– "They (i.e. the hypocrites) will swear by Allah to you when you return to them (up to His Saying) Certainly Allah is not pleased with the rebellious people–" (9.95-96) Kab added, "We, the three persons, differed altogether from those whose excuses Allah’s Apostle accepted when they swore to him. He took their pledge of allegiance and asked Allah to forgive them, but Allah’s Apostle left our case pending till Allah gave His Judgment about it. As for that Allah said):– And to the three (He did forgive also) who remained behind." (9.118) What Allah said (in this Verse) does not indicate our failure to take part in the Ghazwa, but it refers to the deferment of making a decision by the Prophet about our case in contrast to the case of those who had taken an oath before him and he excused them by accepting their excuses.
